Christine’s Point of View on Being Gay?
Earlier morning, a few of my friends posted an article from Philippine Star Entertainment regarding Being Gay. Below is the copied article from the website:
It was a sensitive topic handled with care. My co-hosts Edu Manzano, Amy Perez, Chiqui Roa-Puno and I shared the same view: That gayness is not a plague. That if one of our sons turns out to be gay, we were unanimous in saying that “We shall accept and love our sons just the same, just as much.”
For this article, I sought the expertise of family co counselor and Trio Tagapayo of Amy’s Face to Face, noted psychologist Dr. Camille Garcia, who answered the frequently asked questions (FAQs).
What are the early signs? I’ve read that when a two- or three-year-old plays with girl’s toys, that doesn’t necessarily mean he is gay since that is just the “curiosity phase.” Is this true? At what age will the signs of true “gayness” come out?
Others may say that doing something effeminate is already a sign of gayness like playing with female toys, being effeminate in some ways, etc. Remember the child, at this age, does not know the girl-boy gender yet. It’s up to the parents to make the child be aware of his/her gender: “Ikaw ay babae, siya ay lalaki.”
True gayness comes out at pubertal stage. (It is when the child desires or has a crush on the same sex.) What is wrong with some parents is encouraging the behavior. It’s like when a parent says, “Kung ano ang binigay sa amin ng Diyos tatanggapin namin.”
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Remember ang binigay ng Diyos na anak is a girl or boy. A six-year-old can already identify his/her gender.
Good parenting structures the right role of a person.
What creates the reinforcement of the said behavior is when parents allow the thinking. (For example: “Sige anak, ok naman na maging bakla ka, tatanggapin ka namin.”)
Should parents be alarmed and arrest the situation? Or encourage it?
Arrest the situation, ’yun ang tama. But most parents encourage the situation. Tatanggapin agad.
Let’s be moral in making the child understand the situation, di ba yun ang dapat. We tell our child, “Anak, mali ito.”
How should the parents address this? Some parents resort to threat and extreme military-style punishment. Some parents go to great lengths to explain to the child the consequences of being gay, so that the child can think, then make a choice.
Threat and punishment encourage the child more to do things wrongly, because you are shutting off the situation. Make sure you discuss with your child openly. “Alam mo anak, hindi namin gusto yung ginugusto mo.“
Explain that he is a boy and therefore, as boys, they grow up as men and their partners are women. “Hindi kasi tama ang makasama sa buhay at magpapamilya ay parehas na lalaki. Kung ayaw mo itama ang ginugusto mo, hindi namin matatanggap yun.”
Things can be discussed fully. At least you have attempted to talk it out with your child, explaining the moral and complex implication of what he likes. Remember you can have effeminate ways, but you never desire men. Yun yung emphasis ng pagtuturo sa bata. After pubertal stage, it’s a different story.
Why is being gay still considered a shame for conservative families, even now that we are living in modern times that gays are accepted in our society? Gays (both male and female) are contributing well to our society, in different professional fields.
Most families still cannot accept the fact that something went wrong with their parenting. They feel that something is not right — moral issues are always part of the issues, especially to the Christian and close family ties.
Traditions and culture as well are still part of the family structure that greatly influences their views regarding homosexuality.
Remember, since child rearing and proper parenting are part of one’s holistic disposition, the lifestyle and preference he will choose is considered to be part of what a parent has nurtured and instilled in him (especially during the formative years, from my point of view).
Is being gay really a lifestyle choice? Or genetically influenced?
The genetic predisposition is there but if from the start it is corrected, maiaayos. Remember, genetic predisposition. Hindi minana, na at the start bakla siya. Ipinanganak siyang lalaki o babae. Ikaw na magulang ang mag aayos at magtuturo. Thus, the lifestyle and preference become prevalent rather than the genetic factors. This is the most Christian and appropriate explanation I can give.
I thank Dr. Camille for her expertise and for shedding light on this sensitive topic.
As a mom who has a three-year-old son named Nio, my personal take on the matter is this: Nio, when curious, plays with his big sister’s toys. But we always point it out to him that those are toys for girls, and these are toys for boys. We compare toys so that he will understand.
Before he turned three, he was fully aware and could already distinguish the girls’ toys from the boys’ toys. We realized that playing with his big sister’s toys is his loving way of bonding and playing with his Ate Antonia. When big sister is not around, Nio doesn’t touch the girly toys.
Apart from toys, he chooses what clothes and shoes to wear, and his choices are very masculine. I think the presence of a dominant male figure in our home, that is Julius my husband, is a great factor why Nio is very much male. They play rough games such as boxing, kiddie baseball, sword fights, wrestling and the like. I think that activities such as these will help establish the child’s gender role.
I am simply talking from experience, having a young son, a three-year-old.
Now, if you ask me what if my son grows up to be gay? I will not encourage it. But will I accept? A mother will always accept her child. A mom may not agree with all of her child’s choices or preferences, but in the end, being a kind human being is more important than what your gender is.
We do our best as parents. We guide our children based on societal norms while balancing what is personally and morally acceptable to our own families. But once they are adults and choose to live life a certain way, it is their choice, and along with it, the consequences.
A parent must be there to support and love their children all the way, no matter what. We all deserve to be happy and free.
We are all children of God, and in the end, regardless of gender, it is God who will judge us.
I have experienced this first hand, yourself, and for sure, some of your closest friends have, too. I agree that both environmental and genetics could have triggered the homosexuality but it was never a choice – like you choose the toys you would want to play during pre-puberty stage nor the clothes you wear even during adolescence.
Indeed, it is a very sensitive issue to tap on. I just do not feel fair that a mother who has children, especially a growing son, would share her thoughts about choosing the sexual preference on behalf of her son. Neither she could have predicted if his son does not become effeminate but in soon time, could be flirting with his schoolmates when he reaches highschool.
Christine’s point of view is clearly defunct trying its best to conceal her real path for her son. I do not wish for her son to be a gay man, or according to her, her son chooses to be a gay man. I hope that she gets a concise understanding that her opinions could have been presented in a very neutral way without involving religion, discrimination and hate.
Just like Lea Salonga says,
The only people that can claim to be experts on gay people are gay people. In their diversity, humanity, and general awesomeness. Shame on anyone that dares to think that gayness is a disease, something to be ashamed of, or is something to abhor in the name of Christianity. Can't we all just be human beings, men and women navigating this earth in search of the goodness in this world, and adventurers out for enlightenment and understanding? – Lea Salonga, https://www.facebook.com/FoxyReign/posts/553973671299587