Damn it! I seldom ask for help. But this time, you may spare me some. Though financially speaking, we need assistance, but it would be too improper to ask for it from your friends, and I know that we can overcome this soon… time will tell.
On the other hand, Clarice told me, that the more I talk about it, the lesser pain it becomes. This is, in fact, not happening. I have never felt this so much pain in my life. It seems that it never fades away. Gosh Papa, please show us some sign.
It is still too painful to dwell on this. Mourning may help, but whenever the fact, that my father is now gone, crosses my mind, its always been piercing. I do not know if my prophylaxis antibiotics make my breathing harder or this event just agitates my heart disease.
I could strongly feel that my mother just gets her strength from us. And in cases like these, I need friends whom I can open my heart to, so when my siblings and my mother see me, they would see I am strong.
I definitely know that showing your weaknesses to them practically proves you are also strong. I guess I need to drink to, at least, have the courage to cry this out loud. I would never deny that I have cried myself out in front of the public, but as long as the pain is still here, I know that I would never stop crying especially every night.
Pa, your fellow masons were here earlier. They are inviting me to join them. In soon time, when I can say I have recovered, I will join your fellow brothers. I havent said may you rest in peace because my selfish thinking tells me that we still need you. Maybe, I should start letting you go. Just guide us in every decision that we will be making. I am sure you have taught us well on how to handle these triumphs.
I love you eternally. Ingat! 🙂