I have often encountered this line from my friends who’s always so down with love. They are the people who manage to get through it but don’t know when even to stop. These are people who think highly of what they have, but never focus on what’s next to happen. This is me. Several times, it has been me. And again, it is me.
I can’t help but wonder why I always find myself in a relationship whose middle ground needs to be found. It is always a compromising relationship- always taking something, but never leaving anything to hold on to. It never occurred to me, in my zoned-out brain, to stop, think, and move on. It has always been my heart and never the interior part inside our head that we use to equalize the situation.
And so I ask again…
When is the perfect time to stop if there’s no finish line?
Makes perfect sense.
How do you even stop when you yourself can’t even gauge when to? Have you ever thought of the magnitude of the situation when you don’t even know when to stop? No? Right. You’re probably too sucked up in the moment to even do a bit of reality check. Okay… we are talking about L-O-V-E here. Yes. Love. Love, in all its perfect and not-so-perfect sense.
They ask me When? Why? What? Who? and how? For some reason, I myself can’t even answer these questions, but I will try.
When. It doesn’t happen to everyone all the time you know. But to me, for some strange reason, it does. When? I don’t know. I sure hope that I have something holographic to remind me of the elapsed time and I would need to enter the same situation again. Just to be ready and prepared. I would also want an alarm of some sort to let me know the apprehension it has for whatever’s next to come. I hope I had a Bio-man sort of power like a Bio-X-ray to check out a guy’s intention. Too bad I am never one.
Why. Well… I keep telling myself it’s never my fault, and it’s the people I hang out with. I just always end up being a loser all the time (buzzer sound) sorry, my answer’s so lame, but yes you are right. I control why it happens to me always. Is it because I am in love, or is it because I never learn? BINGO!
What. Its a kind of relationship wherein you both get along just fine, never together officially, but the togetherness feels just so damn good it can’t be replaced with anything at that moment. A relationship that exist between two people (both girls, both boys, boy and a girl or whichever). More than friends, more than lovers but never really together. A non–platonic kind. You’re like the friends-with-benefits type. No justification here, it can be wholesome or unambiguous. You gain something from each other.
Who? Hmm. Simply, guys or girls who would like to have a chance of having something with you. “Something” could be anything, anything at all. In my case, it’s pretty much defined, talked-about and debated with so it’s not just “something” anymore. It has evolved in to a deeper kind of something. It’s still something, but deeper. No strings attached. Who? Someone who’s brave enough to admit what they feel, but too coward to even start it seriously. Someone who has a lot to offer but will choose not to. I believe these people are not even at the brink of their extinction yet, but eventually, they will be. I hope it’ll be sooner though. I am just being bitter I guess.
How did I let that happen? I was never a believer of taking things slow. You like me, I like you back, let’s get together and see what happens. That’s me. So that’s how I allow things to happen. But at the end of the day, we(meaning me and others like me) are not really one big bit_h who always finds time to make ourselves available to those guys who would want a passing fancy for their hobby. I am so sorry, but we are not like that. We just happen to have feelings too. There’s this feeling of longing, wherein you know that you actually mean something to someone. AND the next best feeling is having them prove it to you. Well they always do. And that’s how it starts.
They all tell me to either take it or leave it all. I have never even thought about the fact that I could leave it just like how I wanted to. Well, giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak. Sometimes, it just means you are strong enough to let go. But am I strong enough to even let go? Well, there were times that I wanted to. Then I would retract. Then I’d go again. Then retract. Go and Retract. I want, but I really shouldn’t. Which is why I probably want it in the first place. And it makes me wonder, why are there still a lot who’s like me? I have my reasons for staying, and so does everyone else, but the question again is why do we choose to stay?
If we know that there’ll be a yellow strip of line waiting for us to finish, do you think we would even start this? Should this be enough reason as well for us not to continue, not to stay and not to wait when it obviously signifies “the end”? For some, they would definitely try to lengthen whatever they still have, even if it includes obstacles and some mini-miseries along with it, just to make sure they don’t reach the so-called finish line. And if they do, they fight for what they believe was right and try to reconsider whatever they still have. It costs so much, compromises a lot and one ends up losing after trying…basically for nothing.