It’s Never on Plateau

A contact left the group.

Two weeks have passed yet your absence does not make it fonder, I still dwell on what might and could have been. Jayvee has been really supportive ever since; I don’t know where he gets the maturity, care and say, martyrdom but I truly appreciate everything he has been doing to make me feel secured, loved and never neglected.

Polyamory is definitely not on everyone’s plate which makes me wonder, if I am really that insensitive or just pushed to the verge of challenge that made this relationship a failure or on hold for the time being until things go back to being ‘normal’. I was never normal at the first place.

Remembering what you said that things changed – I became colder and did not act like I used to; practically saying that the spark went away. I did feel constricted and pressured but not because solely of you. Work and school were starting to get into my schedule plus meeting your expectations were making me more frustrated. I contemplated  that if it doesn’t come out of me naturally, then maybe it is not noteworthy of trying because it still boils down that we may not be compatible. I maybe wrong but I do not believe this, it is still the unusual setup that we have agreed to be on this polyamorous-shit.

Have we been trained to believe that if our partner shows love to someone else, it means the bond we share is somehow weakened — less special because it’s expanded to include another person? I guess so, faithfulness is shaped by monogamy that we are tethered to the idea that you cannot love more than one person. Dispelling jealousy and sharing intimate moments in bed are different intricate permutations of complexity of polyamory but no need to discuss further since he’s fading away from me.

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