Forgetting, For Living

When I was young, I remember that my playmates and classmates used to bully me because of my homosexuality. As time passed, I learned how to ignore emotional attacks through apathy. Through this, I managed to achieve and even surpass my academic goals, gained a wide network of friends, made myself popular that it may have affected how validation makes me drunk for attention drawn from others I barely know.

Mastering apathy isn’t easy, you have to endure hurtful words that even don’t make sense nor logic. Maybe it’s one of the reasons I tend to avoid conflicts because I’m so used to ignoring trivial events that I forget to classify between sensitivity and things that require urgency.

Where does this lead me?

It’s appalling how people still ask about you. Not to mention that I have been hearing that you’re back in the dating game; that’s a good thing! You’re trying to regain the life you’ve lost while you were with me us. Those petty lies I heard the last time we held hands and hugged, they’re trivial, I think and with the current situation, I think I’m right this time).

For now, I really like to overcome this depression. My hormones are starting to bounce back but still far from baseline. Art has helped me to dissipate this enveloping darkness that lingers for no apparent reason. It always grounds me from becoming disassociated from losing self-identity and fires up my creative thinking that I get to pause from calculus and statistics.

Yes, I learned and accepted our fate. As I recover from this upheaval, forgetting you temporarily could be a viable solution. Not visiting your profiles ignites a good start. Besides, you’ll be occupied this weekend not like when you thought of me for a short time during the holy week.

I don’t know how long will this take but I’m always grateful for the guy who stayed.

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