Hell Week AY 2nd Sem 16-17

Dear diary,

No, I am not doing the jump hiatus again. I am just stomped with work and school stuff, and it is nearing finals plus the survey this coming weekend. I will return the week after this weekend.

Mwah!

Reign

Forgetting, For Living

When I was young, I remember that my playmates and classmates used to bully me because of my homosexuality. As time passed, I learned how to ignore emotional attacks through apathy. Through this, I managed to achieve and even surpass my academic goals, gained a wide network of friends, made myself popular that it may have affected how validation makes me drunk for attention drawn from others I barely know.

Mastering apathy isn’t easy, you have to endure hurtful words that even don’t make sense nor logic. Maybe it’s one of the reasons I tend to avoid conflicts because I’m so used to ignoring trivial events that I forget to classify between sensitivity and things that require urgency.

Where does this lead me?

It’s appalling how people still ask about you. Not to mention that I have been hearing that you’re back in the dating game; that’s a good thing! You’re trying to regain the life you’ve lost while you were with me us. Those petty lies I heard the last time we held hands and hugged, they’re trivial, I think and with the current situation, I think I’m right this time).

For now, I really like to overcome this depression. My hormones are starting to bounce back but still far from baseline. Art has helped me to dissipate this enveloping darkness that lingers for no apparent reason. It always grounds me from becoming disassociated from losing self-identity and fires up my creative thinking that I get to pause from calculus and statistics.

Yes, I learned and accepted our fate. As I recover from this upheaval, forgetting you temporarily could be a viable solution. Not visiting your profiles ignites a good start. Besides, you’ll be occupied this weekend not like when you thought of me for a short time during the holy week.

I don’t know how long will this take but I’m always grateful for the guy who stayed.

Totoro

Remember you caught me jaw-dropped when I met you at Family Mart? That’s how I felt earlier^23423534 that’s why I didn’t know what to do when you visited me and handed me your gift.

Thank you!

I’m Drunk, I Love You

After watching I’m Drunk, I Love You at Cinema 76, it makes me wonder, when will I graduate from this attachment?

It is not just timely because I am finishing my Masters in Statistics but from an addictive habit that is hard to break. Yes, wallowing could wire your brain that the pain caused by it may be habit-forming specially if your hormones are messed up. I didn’t expect that being jovial, despite being introverted, would not exclude me from undergoing depression; I am improving.

Even the movie presented a sub-plot of having a throuple homosexual relationship. Jason Ty challenges the normative cycle of hooking up in Grindr with someone whom he barely knows but feels like being in love for 77 years despite he only met him over the weekend. He is brave enough to agree to it but we won’t know if the relationship struggles. SO MUCH FEELS!

Each relationship should struggle – not just to survive but because two three people act as one, there will be differences, a lot of it! Part of struggling is to know each other, respect and be sensitive on someone’s feelings regardless how strong your opinions and beliefs are. It is an ongoing work that in due time, everything becomes natural and you won’t feel struggling at all.

Today, I shall eat bagnet.